Barry depressed
by Alyrockyforever
Summary: Barry starts to loose his optimism and hope. He just looses himself. He hopes someone will notice but nobody does. Nobody except one person. I know I suck at summaries, please read.
1. Why did nobody notice?

**Hey guys guys so I know that I only have a couple stories published and they kind of suck and this one does too but I love to write. These aren't my first fics, just my first few actually published. Anyway this is just a one-shot for now but if anybody actually likes it, which I doubt they will, I will possibly make it a two-shot. Anyway on with the story.**

Barry hears the star labs alarm go off and speeds into his suit, before zooming to the site of the crime. Just a robbery. He disarms the thief and knocks him out. He zooms the guy to the precinct and captain Singh immediately arrests the waking man. "Thanks Flash." He tells the man clad in red. "Part of the job." He says then turns his head slightly as if listening to something. He sighs sadly and Singh notices an empty look in the flash's face. "Gotta go." He says, speeding off. What was with that look? Singh wonders. He shakes his head. He must've been imagining things.

Barry wonders if anyone has even noticed how he's slowly been loosing hope and all feeling the last couple months. He thought that surely Iris would notice the difference. He thought she would nurse him back to health like the two best friends always had before. But she didn't find out. She didn't notice. Not after her newest boyfriend. She's too caught up in him. He had been about to ask her out when he literally beat him to it. He had walked up while they were talking and she had said yes. Then she had asked what Barry wanted to say. He waved it off as nothing and pretended it hadn't hurt him. After loosing hope in Iris bringing him back he had counted on the rest of team flash to notice and talk to him. But Cisco was still mad at him for Dante, and paid little attention to the speedster. Caitlin was interested in Julian and joe just didn't notice. Nobody seemed to care and that made the last of his hope and his life diminish. Now he carries on just barely for the sake of the city. He can't just leave a city with no protection. So he hides it with a fake smile every now and then. He hoped that with this drastic change that at least one person in his life would notice. He hoped someone would care. But they didn't. Nobody did. He runs into work at a normal pace, late again. "Allen! My office now!" Singh yells, angry that Barry is Forty minutes late. He sighs sadly and a look of confusion and realization crosses his face but quickly disappears. "Yeah sure captain." He says and trails his boss into the office. "Allen that is the fourth day this week you've been late. And you know what day of the week it is?" Singh questions sternly. Barry sighs again. "The fourth sir?" He answers. "That's right. I'll let you off with a warning this time. No more being late." He demands, knowing that Barry will still be late again and he will do nothing about it because Allen is the best CSI the department has ever had. When Barry leaves his office Singh frowns, deep in thought. That sigh sure sounded like the flash the other day. But he was imaging things then and he's imaging things now. Right?

Barry works for hours then heads home really late. He tiredly walks up the stairs to his room, ignoring joe's greeting. He tosses his stuff on the ground and locks his door. He doesn't know why but he picks up a knife and sits on his bed and he stares at it for a while and then brings it to his arm. He doesn't know why he's doing it. Maybe to feel something? That's it. He wants to feel something after so long of being numb. He digs the blade into his wrist countless times, smiling at the pain. For once he isn't numb anymore. The next morning he does it again, as the other cuts were already healed. He then puts on a long sleeved shirt and speeds to work. Singh scolds him for being late again, noting the look in his eyes. Maybe he wasn't imagining things. Could his CSI really be the flash? He shakes the thought from his head and demands a case file be turned into him by the end of the day. Barry goes up to his lab and quickly finishes the case file. He goes back to Singh's office and reaches out to hand the captain his work. Singh reaches for it and his eyes dart to the paper. As he looks over the paper he notices Allen fidgeting with his sleeve. He glances at the boy's arm out of the corner of his eye. There he sees thick pink scars. Obviously self inflicted. His eyes widen and he drops the paper on his desk, looking up at the CSI's face. "What is that?" He asks. Barry frowns. "The case file you asked for sir?" He answers. "Not that, this!" He says, grabbing the boy's arm and pulling his sleeve up to reveal the pink scars. Barry winces and pulls his arm away. "Nothing." He mutters. He's scared of what will happen but happy at the same time. Did somebody finally care? Singh's eyes soften. "Sit Allen." He says gently, after sitting himself. Barry reluctantly sits and fidgets with his sleeves. "Talk to me Barry." He says. Barry notes that he hadn't called him Allen this time. "I- it's nothing sir, really. Just a cat scratch." He says, flicking his eyes around the room. "You don't have a cat." Singh points out. "I uh..." he trails off, not having any other excuse. "What's going on? Why did you do this?" He asks the normally happy optimistic CSI. "I don't know." He lies. Singh raises an eyebrow. Barry sighs that same sad sigh and looks up at the captain. "Look, captain I'm the f-" he starts. "Flash, I know." Singh Interrupts. Barry's eyes widen. "The sigh. It gave it away." He says. "At least somebody noticed." Barry grumbles, not meaning for Singh to hear that. He raises an eyebrow. "Is that why you did this? Because you thought nobody noticed? That nobody cared?" He asks. Barry nods shamefully and stares at the floor. He sighs. "Allen, I care about you, lots of people do. Just don't do it again okay? And... Thank you." He says. Barry shoots a questioning glance at the captain. "You saved my husband." He says with a soft smile. Barry's phone rings just then. He answers it. "Yeah yeah okay, I'll deal with it." He mutters then hangs up. "Gotta go, robbery in progress." He says and speeds off. Singh smiles. He'll never get used to that.

 **Anyway i I know it sucked, please send feedback?**


	2. Barry Allen is back

**Hey so so I know this seems a little excessive, me updating so close to the other update, but I got a review that inspired me and I wrote this in a spur of the moment. I realize it's a little on the short side, but I will try to make the next ones longer.**

As Barry runs to the bank, where the robbery is taking place he ponders what Captain Singh said. Had he really meant it? He cared. He sure seemed like it. He was so angry when he saw Barry's scars. Then he was worried for the young man. That sure seemed like the actions of somebody who cared. He pushes his thoughts to the back of his mind as he remembers he should put his flash suit on. He speeds there, puts it on, and speeds to the bank. He quickly subdues the man. It's getting very easy. Why did so many humans try to rob banks when they knew the flash was protecting the city? Who knows? Barry decides not to knock the man out this time. He realizes he's probably given at least one or two criminals a concussion with always knocking them out and such. He holds onto the man until police arrive to cuff him. He sees a little boy, probably only around fiver or six smiling at him. "Hey kid." He says with a small smile. "H-hi Flash! You're so awesome! You're my favorite superhero ever!" He exclaims. A small chuckle comes from Barry's lips. "Thanks, off to save the day, bye!" He calls speeding away. He hadn't interacted like that with somebody for quite some time.

That night the whole team flash decided to get together for dinner. Even Iris's boyfriend, John, was there so they couldn't talk flash business. Barry was uncomfortable with John and the others knew it. Except Iris. She was too in love with him to notice. Barry ate a lot like usual and John watched amused. "How do you eat so much without gaining weight?" He asks curiously. "Fast metabolism." He answers truthfully. "Cool." He says, actually meaning it. Now that Barry really thinks about it, John isn't that bad of a guy. He's a nice guy, good to Iris, not really a thing wrong with him. Barry sighed softly, not loud enough to be heard. He was just holding a grudge that the man had whisked away his crush. But Iris was happy. That's all he wanted. So he would not tell her. He would let her be happy for once.

The next day at work Singh calls Bar into his office. "Sir? You wanted to see me?" Barry asks, sticking his head in the doorway. "Come in." Singh mutters. "I need you to tell Joe." The captain says, looking up at Barry. His eyes widen. "W-why? I'm fine. I haven't done it again, and look! The scars are already gone!" He exclaims pulling up his sleeves. Singh sighs. "Allen, you need to tell your foster father. He deserves to know. If you talk to people you will move past this a lot easier, Barry. Just please tell him or I will." He says. Array finally sighs -not sadly this time, he notes- and nods. "Alright, I'll tell him tonight, thanks for the talk captain." He says walking out, and up to his lab. Little did he know, Joe had been standing outside Singh's office listening in as soon as he heard his name. His mouth was wide open and his eyes were so wide he thought they would pop out of his head. He slowly walked up the stairs to Barry and watched him zip around' trying to find something. "Bear." He says. Barry stops moving around and looks up. "Yeah?" He asks, going back to zooming around. "I-I heard what Singh said." He says quietly. Barry stops moving completely. "What?" He lets out in a whisper. "Bear I had no idea. Come here." He says, pulling the young man into his arms. Barry stands there stiffly for a moment before hugging him back. "I'm sorry Joe. I just... Everything became too much you know? I won't do it again." He says. "I know Bear, just please don't scare me like that again. I love you son." He says. They pull away from the hug, both with tears in their eyes. "You can't tell Iris about this. She'd flip out." Barry says, earning a tearful laugh from Joe. "You can say that again." He says, wiping his face. "God son, I about had a heart attack when you said scars, but I trust you. I trust you won't do it again. Now, lets go get some food." He says, putting his arm around Barry's shoulder. They both smile and walk out of the precinct together. Singh watches them go. He can't help but notice the smile on their faces and the glint in Barry's eyes. Hope. Barry Allen is back.

 **okay so I haven't really gotten that far in the process of thinking what this story is going to form into but it will probably become a three-shot or even more, who knows. Anyway I don't know if I should do West/Allen Snow/Allen or even Snart/Allen. What do you guys think?**


	3. He loves me too?

**Hey guys, so I don't know if this is what your looking for but this is all I could think of in such short notice, anyway either PM me or review if you want it to be West/Allen or Snow/Allen.**

The next few weeks passed pretty quickly. He wondered if captain Singh or Joe would tell anybody else about his mistakes. It still broke his heart every time he saw Iris with John, but he would have to deal with it. Joe and the captain had yet to tell anybody about what he'd done. They were having a family dinner that John was neither to. That bugged Barry. Since when had he become family? Barry mostly stayed quiet during dinner and Joe watched him curiously. Was he becoming depressed again? He hoped not. But Barry didn't seem sad, he seemed irritated. "So uh Barry," Iris starts. Barry looks up at her. "Yeah?" He asks. "You know that uh thing? With you?" She asks referring to him being the flash. Barry frowns. "Yeah?" He questions, wondering where this is going. "I was thinking we could um tell John." She says. Barry's eyebrows shoot upward. "Are you kidding me?" He exclaims. She frowns. "Everyone else knows!" She says stubbornly. "No Iris, I'm not telling him." He replies, growing angry. Who was she to try to reveal his secret? "Then I'll tell him! You don't have to!" She yells, standing up. "It's not your secret to tell Iris!" He yells back, standing up himself. "It kind of is!" She replies. He narrows his eyes at her and crosses his arms. "Oh really? How?" He demands. "We're family!" She cries. "Iris. He is not finding out." He grounds out. Iris frowns and turns to John. Barry's eyes widen. "Iris don't!" He yells as she opens her mouth to speak. "Barry is the flash." She tells him. And with that Barry looses all trust in his life long best friend. The girl he's loved for so long, just gave away his biggest secret to a man she only known for a few months. Barry's mouth drops open. "Iris." He choked out. Iris looks at his face ins hock and sees the sad look on his face. "Barry! I-I didn't mean it! I'm so sorry!" She cries. He shakes his head slowly and speeds out of there. Joe had watched the whole thing with his eyes wide open. Iris starts sobbing and Joe glares at her. "What is wrong with you?" He asks, while John sits there in shock. His girlfriend's foster brother is he flash?

Barry runs as fast as he can, screaming at the top of his lungs. How could this happen? How could she do that to him? She knows it was endangering him, so why would she do such a thing? He growls. Did she not care about him enough to even respect his secret anymore? Had he just lost his best friend? He finally stops at star labs and sits in the training room. He sighs and rests his elbows on his legs and his head in his hands. "Barry?" He hears a soft voice ask. He looks up to see Caitlin. "Hey Cait." He replies, sighing sadly. That reminds him of when Singh found out. The sigh gave it away. That's what he said. He wonders if it gave away his feelings to Caitlin. "What's wrong?" She asks, sniffling. "Iris told her boyfriend that I'm the flash, after I told her not to." He says and starts thinking about how stupid he was to trust her with his secret. He's so stupid. Dumb. An idiot. He finds his mind wandering toward hopelessness again, becoming lost in his head. "What's wrong with you?" He asks Caitlin, after she sits next to him. "J-Julian. He cheated on me." She sobs quietly. Barry's face softens. "I'm so sorry Caitlin." He says hugging her to him. She shakes slightly with sobs and leans into him. After a while of sitting there talking about unimportant nothings, they finally get up and walk to the cortex. There the whole team flash, including Julian and Iris, are there. They make a point to ignore the ones they are mad at and get to work. "Barry, there is a hostage situation at the central city museum." Cisco says. Barry nods and speeds into his suit. He runs toward the museum and for some strange reason he just can't get Caitlin out of his head.

When he arrives at the museum he ties up the armed kidnapped with nearby rope from a storage closet. He unties the hostages and they all run outside as the police show up. "Thanks B-flash." Singh says making Barry wince. "Part of the job." He says. Singh rolls his eyes and shakes his head as Barry zooms away. All day, all Barry can think of is Caitlin. Why can't he stop thinking about her? He's still in love with Iris, right? He doesn't know what to think. He just can't get over it. Why on earth would she do that? He just can't wrap his head around it. What had made her do such a thing?

After a long day of saving people he heads home and sits on his bed. He sits there for hours, just thinking about all that's happened. His best friend betrayed him for a guy she barely knew. He picks up his knife. He doesn't know why. Didn't he promise Singh and Joe he wouldn't do this again? He doesn't care. He shakily holds the knife to his arm and stares at his wrist. Then he does it. He digs the blade into his skin and pulls it along his skin. He watches his blood drip down his arm and pool in his palm. He does it again, fascinated by the sight of his blood. Then he drops the knife on the ground. What was he doing? No, no he couldn't do this again. He promised. He speeds to the bathroom to wash of his arm. Then he remembers the bloody knife on the floor of his room. His eyes widen as he hears joe walking toward his room. He uses his powers to zoom bund hide the knife behind is back. joe walks in. "Hey Bear." Joe greets. Barry nods nervously at him. Joe frowns. "What do you got behind your back?" He asks. Barry gulps. "Nothing." He says. Joe raises an eyebrow. "I'm not stupid Barry." He says. Barr sighs and slowly pulls the bloody knife out. Joe's eyes widen. "What did you do?" He exclaims, growing worried. Then Barry, with tears in his eyes, shows Joe his wrist. Joe frowns sadly. He sits next to him and hugs him close. "Barry you promised me." He says softly.

Barry starts silently shaking with sobs. "I know, I'm sorry." He lets out. "It's just with everything going on and Iris telling John I just didn't know what to do!" He exclaims. Barry pulls away from Joe and rests his head in his hands. "Bear, talk to her." He says. He shakes his head. "No. She lost my trust and friendship when she told him my biggest secret." He says. Joe sighs. "Not your biggest." He says. Barry rolls his eyes. "My love in her got slightly diminished when she you know broke my trust." He says pointedly. "But you do still love her." He says. Barry sighs. "It doesn't matter anyways, she's in love with John obviously." He says back. "Joe I'm just gonna head to star labs." He says and speeds away. Joe shakes his head and heads back downstairs. Now while all of this was going on Iris had been standing in the hall. Joe of course knew this. Joe wanted Iris to hear. Joe wanted Iris to try to talk to Barry. Now Iris had tears running down her cheeks and a hand over her mouth. She drops her hand to her side. "He loves me too?"


	4. Not anymore

**Okay guys I don't know if this is what you guys wanted but here it is. I realize it's kind of short but like I said before, I'll try my hardest to make the next ones larger. I'm sorry about any spelling mistakes in the last couple chapters. I'm not typing on a computer. Anyway on with the story.**

Barry sped to star labs and stopped in the cortex. "Hey Barry, there's a break-in on 3rd and Jackson street." Caitlin tells him. He nods, puts on his suit and runs toward the address. He knows immediately which house was broken into. Most likely the one with the shattered window. He speeds in and sees a man with a ski mask holding a gun, shoving valuables into a bag. "Hey!" Barry calls. The man spins around in shock, accidentally pulling the trigger of his gun. Barry wasn't expecting it, so it flies into his shoulder. He grunts, but still apprehends the man and speeds him to the CCPD. Captain Singh sees his shoulder and shoots a worried glance at him but Barry nods in assurance. He speeds off, dark spots dancing across his vision. He can't pass out. He cannot pass out. Then Caitlin will be force to remove his suit and will see the scars on his wrist. He's not going to make it. He knows it. He runs as fast as he can and ends up in the cortex. "Barry!" Caitlin exclaims.

"It looks worse then it is." He tells her, pulling his cowl off. "Really I'm fine." He says as she jumps up from her chair to look at his shoulder. "You're not fine! You were shot! And by the looks of it, the bullet is still in there!" She cries, perhaps a tad bit too much worried then she should be. Barry sighs and replaces his suit with regular clothes and sits on the grabs the medical supplies and Barry peels back his now bloody shirt. It's better to have a bloody shirt then have Caitlin see the scars. "Barry can you- just take your shirt off, I can't get to the bullet." She says. He visibly pales and she stops what she's doing. "What?" She asks, confused. He'd taken his shirt off for her to patch him up before. Why wouldn't he now? "I just... Nothing." He says taking his shirt off and angling his wrists away from Caitlin.

Caitlin yelps when Barry suddenly falls backwards. She catches him of course. "Barry!" She exclaims. His eyes are closed. He passed out. Great. She positions him on the bed correctly and digs the bullet out. She cleans up the blood and bandages his shoulder, her cheeks heating up when her hands brushed his abdomen. Why was it embarrassing now? She'd accidentally touched the speedster before. She shakes the thought from her head and cleans up the medical supplies. Once everything is put away she sits back at the computer, updating Cisco and Joe of his injury. She hadn't told Iris because she herself had a grudge against her after what she did to Barry. But... perhaps there was something more behind her grudge? She frowns and again shakes her head of the thought. She turns back to Barry, giving him a once over, just in case she missed any injuries. He eyes stop at his wrists. Then they widen. "Barry?" She whispers, confused. Why on earth would Barry cut himself?

Pretty soon Joe shows up, and right after, so does Cisco. They walk in and see Caitlin staring at the speedster with wide eyes, they both follow her gaze to his wrist and Cisco gasps. Joe on the other hand sighs sadly and looks down. "What the hell? Why would he do that?" Cisco exclaims. "He was depressed. I thought I talked him down but earlier tonight I found him- I found him with a bloody knife. I talked him down again but I just don't know what to do. What if he does it again? What if he cuts too deep and doesn't wake up?" Joe suddenly lets out. Caitlin and Cisco look surprised. Joe wasn't normally the one to release his emotions so freely. "I-I don't know what to do. Lets just talk to him when he wakes up." Caitlin says softly. Then Iris runs in. "Why didn't anyone tell me?" She exclaims, glaring angrily at Caitlin. Caitlin frowns. "I'm sorry, I guess I forgot." She lies.

"I'm his best friend! How could you have forgotten?" She yells. "You're not his best friend anymore! Not after what you did to him!" Caitlin yells back, surprised by her angry outburst. "I-I- he'll forgive me!" She cries. "No I won't." They all hear a voice croak. They all turn to see Barry sitting up. "You broke my trust. You ruined our friendship, all for a guy you've barely even met." Barry says, standing up. He walks toward everyone, as tears fill Iris's eyes. "I told you I'm sorry Barry! I-I'm not even dating John anymore!" She cries. He scoffs. "So you tell all your boyfriends my secret now? Then. Real up with them, giving them a reason to tell about it?" Barry asks, eyebrows raised. "W-what? No! Barry I heard what you and dad said! I love you!" She exclaims. Barry frowns. The others excused themselves from the room when the argument started. "I don't love you anymore." He lies. He knows he will always love her. But he doesn't love her nearly as much anymore. Tears are cascading down her face like a waterfall now. "B-Barry please." She begs, taking his hands in her own. "I'm sorry Iris, but we're over. From now on out we aren't friends anymore and we will never be together. Maybe someday I will forgive you but today is not that day." He says, before pulling his hand from hers and speeding away. He can't love her. Not anymore.

 **like I said, if there are any spelling mistakes, sorry. But I checked this one over a few times so I'm pretty sure that there aren't any spelling mistakes in this chapter. I know I said to vote on Snow/Allen or West/Allen but nobody said anything so I'm leaning towards Snow/Allen. The funny thing is I'm actually a huge West/Allen fan so my own story got me favoring Snow/Allen. Anyway enough with the long A/N's right?**


	5. He loves Caitlin Snow

**Im so weird, updating like all the time, but I'm impatient, and I wanted to get this posted. This story has obviously become more then a one-shot, but I have no idea how long I'll make it. Anyway, on with the story, I always have super long A/N's.**

After hours of speeding around the city he finally comes back to star labs to find that everybody already left. His shoulder healed already, so he doesn't need anymore help with that. He goes into the treadmill room and runs. He runs as fast as he can. Possibly faster then normal. He's so confused. What was with Caitlin, yelling at Iris like that? Caitlin never got mad at anyone. She p lay got mad once at that chick that hit on Ronnie. But that was a while ago. She moved on to Julian. But has she moved on from Julian? Of course she was. Iris didn't hit on Julian, she was ... Does Caitlin like him?!

Caitlin has no idea what she's thinking. Why had she exploded like that? Now she most likely lost her friendship with Iris, and Barry probably thinks she's snotty and jealous. She sighs and grabs her purse. It's dark so she should just head home. The sun is starting to rise and she didn't get any sleep during the night, so she's extremely tired. She walks out into the parking lot, her heels clicking on the concrete. Did she just loose two friends in one night? She doesn't know anything right now. She lets out a yelp when a hand goes over her mouth. "Make a noise and you get a bullet in the head, got it?" A rough voice says to her and she feels cold metal press against her temple. She nods frantically and the man slowly removes his hand from her mouth and shoves her forward, digging the gun into her back. She trembles at his touch. What would he do to her? She's so stupid for going out at night alone.

He leads her to a car and opens the door. "Get in." He demands. She closes her eyes tightly. She would rather die then whatever this man had planned for her. "I said get in the car." He demands, growing angry. She feels tears escaping her tightly close eyes, but doesn't budge. "Get in the goddamn car!" He yells. That's what she was hoping for. Maybe somebody heard. If nobody heard then she's doomed. She will die right here.

Barry runs for a while, just thinking of random things. He thinks about his parents. He thinks about his anger at Iris. He thinks about his feelings for Caitlin. Caitlin... wasn't she still here? She usually left late at night. He stops running and gets of the treadmill. He looks around for her. She must've went home, it is getting pretty close to sunrise, and now that he thinks about it, he is extremely tired. He's about to go go,w himself when he hears it. A grown man shouting. He speeds outside to see a middle aged man pointing a gun at Caitlin, with an angry expression on his face. Caitlin has her eyes closed tightly, yet a few tears escaped and are trailing down her face. He quickly speeds over, knocks the man out, and hug Caitlin to him. She gasps. "It's okay Cait it's me." He soothes. She breaks into sobs and clutches Barry to him. "I-I didn't know what he was going to do, s-so I stopped a-and hoped somebody w-would hear him yelling." She sobs against his chest. "Your safe, I got you. I heard okay? I'll always protect you." He mutters into her hair. She slowly stops crying and looks up at him. She sniffles and wipes her hair. "I'm sorry, I trails off. "It's alright Caitlin, lets get you inside while I speed the guy to CCPD." He says. She nods and he speeds her inside, before calling Cisco to come back. "Be back in a second." He says. She nods, and Barry puts grabs the waking man and speeds away. "Whoa, uh what did he do?" An officer asks, cuffing the man. "Attempted kidnap." He says then zooms away. He speeds to Cisco's and speeds him to star labs. "Whoa dude!" He exclaims, steadying himself. "Caitlin almost got kidnapped." He says. Cisco's eyebrows shoot up.

"Okay..." he responds, not really knowing what to say. They walk into the cortex, where Caitlin is standing, the mascara on her face already dried. "Hey Caitlin you okay?" Cisco asks, concerned. "Yeah I'm fine." She mutters, walking toward the bathroom to wipe the mascara away. Barry goes back to running, making sure to watch Caitlin as soon as she comes into his line of sight. He may not a lot of things about what he's thinking or what he's feeling. But he knows one thing for sure. He's in love with Caitlin Snow.

 **what do you guys think of the story so far? Should I leave it at this or keep going? Constructive criticism is accepted, if anyone thinks I'm doing something wrong. Like I said I never the reviews I posted on here, thanks to all the people who enjoyed the story!**


	6. It's over, sorry guys

**Alright alright guys, I'm sure not really anyone likes this story anymore or wants me to continue, so I'm leaving it at what it is. Sorry for anyone that actually liked the story. Hope you guys liked it.**


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